Unthinkable

Sometimes its hard to see things from someone else’s perspective. I’ve been procrastinating, struggling, dreading seeing a certain thing in my life from the perspective of those who have been opposing me and my decisions. Typically, I wouldn’t bother with other people’s opinions or even bother trying to persuade those people who are not in a state of mind to be persuaded. However there are times, for one’s own well being, it’s necessary to find reconciliation with these opinions, especially when those attached to these opinions play a large role in your life. No matter how unwelcome these opinions may be, I must try to make peace with them to silence the war in my mind and the tension in my relationships. 

I’m going to keep my specific context private for the sake of, well, privacy.

For a while I was truly struggling with trying to understand these opinions that were being imposed upon me: “They are ill-informed, they are rooted in bias and indoctrinated fear, they only allow themselves to see the negative outcomes of my decision, etc, etc.” These internal criticisms weren’t productive for helping me find peace. The one thing that helped me feel a glimpse of compassion for my disputants was that they were motivated by fear, and fear is relatable at the very least, no matter how unhealthy or misplaced it is. Somewhere after the realization that I can sympathize with fear, I had an image come to mind. And this image helped me pause in that compassionate middle ground where I could find grace for that fear and sympathy for how hard it can be to get past. 

The image that came to mind is of a mother watching her daughter decide to go into ski jumping. Ski jumping has always captured a sense of awe within me. Seeing someone launch themselves into the sky at 60m/h with nothing to land on except for two long, flat, skinny sticks strapped to the bottom of their feet—ya, that would cause someone a certain amount of anxiety if they cared deeply for the person attempting to fly. It causes anxiety in me when I see it and I don’t even know the people doing it on TV. Anyone can understand and have sympathy for that mother shouting, “No! It’s too dangerous!” The problem arises when the anxiety of that mother, instead of being dealt with by the beholder, is instead projected onto her daughter in an attempt to hinder what her daughter clearly longs to do: Ski jump in the Olympics. Maybe the daughter made her decision when she was intoxicated, or in a mid-life crisis, or in a moment of pure impulse. Maybe the daughter has muscle atrophy and is in denial of it. And even if the daughter is level headed and had taken time to think it through, consulting experts along with other ski jumping athletes into what she should realistically expect and what she is practically risking, the mother, sister, brother, friend could still have a strong argument against her decision: “Many ski athletes are seriously injured in the sport and some even die! I know of someone who did ski jumping and realized it was unfulfilling and they ended up regretting it.” Et cetera, et cetera. Not to mention the rational arguments: “There are other sports you can do that are safer, like golf! Or you can make more money in a big corporate job AND not risk your personal safety!” These are all valid arguments. Which is why it can be near impossible to persuade the person making them to accept your decision to ski jump. 

And why make that decision? Why would someone so resolutely decide, despite all the risks and warnings, to catapult themselves off of a snowy peak? Through doing research into some audacious folks, I’ve found answers that resonate with why I’m making my unpopular decision.

First I found Sarah Hendrickson, a ski jumper who said this on returning to the sport after a serious injury:

“I think I was born to be a ski jumper. The feeling of that first jump back was one of the best sensations in the entire world. I just let go of the bar and felt completely comfortable. All my nerves simply disappeared.”

Tenzing Norgay was the second person to climb Mt Everest and when he was asked why, he said:

“It was the one thing that I had dreamed of all my life.”


Pioneering astronaut, John Glenn, said this before his historic 1962 flight:

“You fear the least what you know the most about.”

In my research I came across some other quotes from inspirational figures who risked a lot by being true to themselves:

“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth, and everything else will come.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” — Nelson Mandela

“I came to the conclusion that there is an existential moment in your life when you must decide to speak for yourself; nobody else can speak for you.” — MLKJ

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” — Muhammad Ali

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” — Paulo Coelho

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far it is possible to go.” — T.S. Eliot

At the end of the day, if I were to sum up my motivation for this decision in a quote it would be this:

“Some of the most important decisions in life don’t actually feel like decisions. Sometimes you choose to do something because the alternative is simply unthinkable.”

Not making the decision I am currently making would be INSANE. It would be a betrayal to myself, to God, and to the one I love. It simply is not an option.

To my current situation I will say this: It is a religious dilemma. This is why I believe it is also unavoidable for me to include Biblical inspiration in what has motivated me to stand firm in what I know I must do. In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul writes “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” In the early church, there were a lot of opinions. Opinions based on Scripture, religious authority, tradition, and common sense. With the new message of Love and inclusion and the new standard of Truth found in Christ and the Holy Spirit, it was extremely difficult to navigate the intricacies of morality on a general scale. From circumcision to laws on clean and unclean people and things, it was a ride on which Paul and his followers had to improvise through with discernment and faith, faith that God was leading them through every clash of opinion. At the end of the day, the apostles had to trust in the power they carried within them to make the decisions only they can make for themselves. This is why Paul instructs believers to think for themselves and address the Spirit directly. Just as Jesus could not stick around to help with every moral dilemma the Church and its Christians would have to make, he instructed his followers to trust in the Spirit and seek out truth for themselves. 

But this can be scary. It’s easier to navigate decisions through mathematical, legalistic, and dogmatic thinking because it relieves you of all liability. It replaces faith in God with faith in doctrine. Any time this is done in the Scriptures, the person is often in for a rude awakening. Or, in one man’s case, a rude blinding. 

I saved my favourite quote for last, what has given me the most peace and encouragement while writing this. I hope the inner reconciliation this piece has given me can give my loved ones something similar.

Onto the slopes. Further up and further in.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Ποῦ ἐστιν ἡ πίστις ὑμῶν;